I Do Believe He Said That To Me

OHHHH man... So this is my first blog that I didn't actually write down to keep in a journal, so you kno it's all fresh. You kno how I was talking about the far away one, well it turns out he still likes me. Let us call him G.

Me: Just friends
G: Ya
Me: Cause you gots a girly friend and I would/could/should never be her
G: Not should or would. Just cant atm
Me: atm or ever
G: nope
Me: What do you mean?
G: Look. I'm really not leading u on. But I still really like u. And things are kinda shitty on my side of the fence. So if it were ever possible 4 us 2 be legitimatly 2gether. I would
Me: Can I cry now for being such a stupid and stubborn freshman?
G: Absolutely not.

Soo even after 3 years and the fact that we haven't actually seen each other since freshman year. Somehow he still likes me. Unless this is all a lie too and he just likes playing girls which doesn't sound like him... He's the only person that has enough of my heart to actually hurt me enough to cry. I kno this sounds bad because he still has a girlfriend but I want you to kno that after that little conversation I asked what was wrong and he said things are happening between him and his girl so I told him to get some sleep and try to figure it out tomorrow. Things have almost been the same since he revealed what I've been wondering for about a year now. It's not like I flirt with him any more than I did before he had a girlfriend and before he acted like he maybe had a little more interest in me than just friends. Oh hey! I said I was going to talk about the first and the perfect one... should I do that now? Ahhh well you talked me into it. I'll save the first for a whole new entry. But I can describe my perfect partner....

• likes/interests of the most recent
• texting/talking habits of the one with no chance
• the devotion and truth of the first
• the availability of the close one
• the humor of the first and the far away one
• the touch and aggressiveness of the most recent
• the respect and tender care of the first
• looks of the most recent or the far away one... :)
• trustworthiness of the first and the far away

I kno this makes no sense to anyone else but me... maybe if you're lucky then I'll explain all in another entry... but I gots to get to bed so I can go to school for absolutely no reason tomorrow. Seriously. I have food day in Spanish, Academic Tutor, Lit & Film and current events in Government. Yay for a pointless last day before break...

Is There Hope?

I keep hearing songs that remind me of him. I think I need a new favorite kind of music. There is one that's good for me, Radio by Reba. There's also another song by Selena Gomez called I Don't Miss You At All. I'm trying to make that one true but it's harder than it seems. I said I was going to talk about the first but not yet. I do want to talk about the far away one. He has a girl and they seem happ, but I don't really kno. He's great though, he always makes me happy. He makes me smile even when I don't want to. In fact, I just told him I wasn't sexy and he said I was. I said "or so you think" and his words were"No I dont think so. I know so." His girl is really lucky and I doubt she even knows what she has. He truly is amazing. I'm not just saying that because he's nice and I have a huge undeniable crush/love for him. I've known him since freshman year which was 3 years ago. I remember when he was pressured to kiss me at the mall. It was by the escalators... He did brely get my cheek because I didn't want a kiss. I'm really regretting not letting something more grow between us when he was still here... I will talk more aobut this amazing boy next time. I have to get some sleep now so I can fail my spanish project tomorrow...

Time To Update

I think it's about time I update this with how I'm feeling. I'll be completely honest like I have been the other times I've written. Starting with the one I'm around every day, every other day for 3 hours straight. I don't necessarily want to be wit him but I do want him to miss me (which is probably a bad thing to say) It makes me feel like trash to watch him look right though me. Almost like we never were... Okay enough about him. Now to the most recent. Somehow I still feel like I could accept him again if he made an effort. The way he's not been talking or even trying to talk to me makes me feel like it was all a lie. All the "I love you"s "I'm falling hard for you" also when he said I really got to him so he quit his bad habits... Why does no one truly care about me? Why does no one act like they miss me at all? There's been suspect of this new boy, but after what happened at his house, there's no way... The bad thing is I've forgiven that and his chances are just as slim as tey were before this event. It's all the smell... He's been acting very different though. Almost like he doesn't really want to talk to me. Next time I'll talk about the first and the far away one and my idea of the perfect one. But for now I have to get some homework done...