ok... so I pretty much fail at this whole 'post more often' thing... anyway
I'm really sad that I haven't been talking to the far away one, but he's always "distracted"... new GF
Have I talked at all about a tall one? I do think I have... well it turns out that he doesn't have a GF but he was having issues with a friend. We talked about it and now it's over but he's still acting the same towards me... I'm not sure if I should try to tell him that I like him again or just wait til he says something. Gah boys are confusing.
Oh my gosh!!! I'm going to prom!!! With the first! So I was just complaining about how my friends wanted me to go to prom cause "it's senior year" "last dance" "you'll regret not going" blah blah blah blah... anyway he offered to go with me! It was really sweet. He kept saying I was beautiful and how he would love to spend the day with a beautiful girl. He also said that he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off me but then I came back and asked how he would meet anyone. He said, "ouch, nice logic" then some other comment about me being the prettiest one there... He really wants to meet my friends and he wants everything to be perfect for me. He's going to match my dress and pay for things... please do remember he has a GF of 2 years... My mom said that he still likes me, I bet he does, but I don't see why he would do all this if he has a GF. Oh he also lives in WA...
I've almost completely forgot that the most recent one was even part of my life... I feel kinda bad tho... but people forget ex's right? so it's okay? please say it is...
I have nothing more to say about boys right now... but if I could rant about the VP... you don't need to kno who that is...
SHE'S A BITCH! I can't stand the way she talks to me anymore. Now I kno why one of her ex's (that liked me and I liked but she was more outspoken about it so she dated him) didn't really like her. She's terrible! She always tells me how she hates me, in a "joking" manner. NOT! and says that she'd prefer a world without me. Maybe I shouldn't have taken her homework from the class after the meeting to give it to her. She doesn't deserve my friendship at all! I'm a great friend and she's just shit! Her sister isn't that bad, she's the one that starts stuff with her. I would actually prefer her sister, she at least smiles at me and even asks how my day was. VP doesn't deserve much... I can't believe she has as many friends as she does with the way she treats them... maybe it's just me... I don't kno. But I do kno that I can not stand her anymore. She's just gone over my limit. I didn't think anyone could reach that limit... I mean not even the mean girls I was friends with frosh year reached that limit... oh but they tried to push for it. Never quite reached it tho. Not to this level...
I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be talking about her like that... NO
I should be talking about her like that. That's what she's earned.
Aaaaaanyway I think I'm going to go play some videogames in Rilla's room... bubye
April 19, 2011
March 17, 2011
Down Hill
Sooo I haven't been on here in like... forever... and there's a lot that I could talk about... but meh... I don't really want to talk about him... but I kinda have to... that's why I have this blog.
So, here goes.
For about a week we were doing great we slept together (denotation not conotation- meaning we actually slept) and got really close. but these past few weeks... I just don't kno what's going on. The first week after our time together he was sick. I still bothered him but we didn't kiss or sleep and we barely hugged. Then he was really tired for a few days and just went to bed early. The last half of last week he was fixing his truck and was dirty and didn't to be around me. These were his words "not tonight. I mean, my hands are all greasy and my armpits and my hair, feel it, it's nasty." I understand that, but by this time we hadn't even hugged in over a week.... All this week so far he's just been acting like I'm just another person he lives next to. I keep my door open some times to see if he'll come in and say hi but he just bypasses me like it's nothing. He's never been this far... well since he's moved back in with us. The only time I go in his room now is when he's playing Black Ops with my parents and he still does nothing. Last time I was in there he didn't even invite me to sit on the bed. :(
I have no idea what's going on with him... It might be the text I sent him... but I'm not sure. I told him that I'm scared of him. I was scared that he might do the same thing to me as he did to his ex. Which is completely cut her off. He's not in contact with her at all. He doesn't return phone calls, texts, email, anything. Maybe it's because I said that, that he's doing this and acting this way. Maybe he want's to show me what heartbreak is. Maybe I should just forget all the times he said "I love you" or "I miss you" and all the sweet texts.... No. Not maybe. That's what I'll do. Boy are nothing to cry over... as I've told myself so many times before yet tears still come out. I thought this was different because he was older... maybe they are all the same... I just need to quit trying...
Oh man! I haven't even talked about the tall guy yet! He's pretty much awesome :) buuuut I think he has a girlfriend. Which has me confuzzled because he flirts with me and say's things like "You just made my day" with a smile. I don't kno what's going on with him either... maybe I should find out fo sho if he has a girl... and if he does I kno who it is and I could never break them apart... I could never break any couple apart come to think of it... well maybe one couple but they are already over and I didn't like the girl that much. well now that I mention that, I still don't like her very much... That boy is way gone tho. No need to even include him in this drama.
Before I end this post I must bring you up to date on a few other things that have happened to me...
Like the far away boy... he's become the busy boy and we've barely been talking these past 2 weeks which makes the other 2 situations just a little harder on me... I really hope he becomes not so busy soon... I'm dyin here! Did I tell you that him and his GF broke up? well they did... and a little after that he started saying love u or ily and goodnight and/or sleep well and girly. Every night there was some combination of those... It made me really happy... but now I'm lucky if he even replies to me... Oh and he has another GF now...
I also want to talk about the close one... for some unknown and strange reason I've been wanting to talk to him and see if he still likes me... I've caught him staring at me a couple of times and some times when I look over by him he turns his head toward the teacher... I don't kno what he was looking at but I sit kiddy corner behind him... ish... and the teacher is no where near me... He's usually sitting sideways in his desk but that may also be because he's sitting next to a friend... I just want to kno.... I've also been having thoughts about getting back together with him... It's kind of scary. I just point out his flaws and remind myself why it didn't work the first time... but should I be doing that? I have NO IDEA!!!!
I'm usually the one with all the answers about relationships and whatnot... but now I feel completely pathetic because I'm the one that needs advice. I kno to some people if may be obvious what I should do but... It's not to me because I'm involved with all this... :<
well I should get back to playing oblivion because I finally have the stupid sweetrolls I've been looking for :) anyway... I'll be sure all other posts are NOT this long or anywhere near it... sorry... oh and I'll be sure to post more often so they can't be this long. :) adios....
So, here goes.
For about a week we were doing great we slept together (denotation not conotation- meaning we actually slept) and got really close. but these past few weeks... I just don't kno what's going on. The first week after our time together he was sick. I still bothered him but we didn't kiss or sleep and we barely hugged. Then he was really tired for a few days and just went to bed early. The last half of last week he was fixing his truck and was dirty and didn't to be around me. These were his words "not tonight. I mean, my hands are all greasy and my armpits and my hair, feel it, it's nasty." I understand that, but by this time we hadn't even hugged in over a week.... All this week so far he's just been acting like I'm just another person he lives next to. I keep my door open some times to see if he'll come in and say hi but he just bypasses me like it's nothing. He's never been this far... well since he's moved back in with us. The only time I go in his room now is when he's playing Black Ops with my parents and he still does nothing. Last time I was in there he didn't even invite me to sit on the bed. :(
I have no idea what's going on with him... It might be the text I sent him... but I'm not sure. I told him that I'm scared of him. I was scared that he might do the same thing to me as he did to his ex. Which is completely cut her off. He's not in contact with her at all. He doesn't return phone calls, texts, email, anything. Maybe it's because I said that, that he's doing this and acting this way. Maybe he want's to show me what heartbreak is. Maybe I should just forget all the times he said "I love you" or "I miss you" and all the sweet texts.... No. Not maybe. That's what I'll do. Boy are nothing to cry over... as I've told myself so many times before yet tears still come out. I thought this was different because he was older... maybe they are all the same... I just need to quit trying...
Oh man! I haven't even talked about the tall guy yet! He's pretty much awesome :) buuuut I think he has a girlfriend. Which has me confuzzled because he flirts with me and say's things like "You just made my day" with a smile. I don't kno what's going on with him either... maybe I should find out fo sho if he has a girl... and if he does I kno who it is and I could never break them apart... I could never break any couple apart come to think of it... well maybe one couple but they are already over and I didn't like the girl that much. well now that I mention that, I still don't like her very much... That boy is way gone tho. No need to even include him in this drama.
Before I end this post I must bring you up to date on a few other things that have happened to me...
Like the far away boy... he's become the busy boy and we've barely been talking these past 2 weeks which makes the other 2 situations just a little harder on me... I really hope he becomes not so busy soon... I'm dyin here! Did I tell you that him and his GF broke up? well they did... and a little after that he started saying love u or ily and goodnight and/or sleep well and girly. Every night there was some combination of those... It made me really happy... but now I'm lucky if he even replies to me... Oh and he has another GF now...
I also want to talk about the close one... for some unknown and strange reason I've been wanting to talk to him and see if he still likes me... I've caught him staring at me a couple of times and some times when I look over by him he turns his head toward the teacher... I don't kno what he was looking at but I sit kiddy corner behind him... ish... and the teacher is no where near me... He's usually sitting sideways in his desk but that may also be because he's sitting next to a friend... I just want to kno.... I've also been having thoughts about getting back together with him... It's kind of scary. I just point out his flaws and remind myself why it didn't work the first time... but should I be doing that? I have NO IDEA!!!!
I'm usually the one with all the answers about relationships and whatnot... but now I feel completely pathetic because I'm the one that needs advice. I kno to some people if may be obvious what I should do but... It's not to me because I'm involved with all this... :<
well I should get back to playing oblivion because I finally have the stupid sweetrolls I've been looking for :) anyway... I'll be sure all other posts are NOT this long or anywhere near it... sorry... oh and I'll be sure to post more often so they can't be this long. :) adios....
January 27, 2011
Confession Time
OK... so there's this boy... and he's like... all wrong... well... He's actually really perfect but (sigh) oh boy... ok so let me start by saying our relationship right now is like a secret affair. No one knows about it. I kinda don't want anyone to know about it. I already can't stand the teasing from my mom and aunt saying that he's my boyfriend (this was more prominent when we were just hanging out a lot (videogames and whatnot)). I'm not sure I could handle anyone else knowing... especially since I'm still 17 and he's... let's just say he's well over 18. Right now we are more of a touchy couple even tho there's a lot of emotion there.
Things happen.
I wonder how I would have approached my previous relationships if I'd had all the experiences I've had this past year...
Speaking of previous relationships... the close one seems to be getting closer... in class these past few days he hasn't been looking thru me but at me... it's kinda strange. Oh and there were still a few open computers left around the room for him to work on but he choose the one next to me... I don't kno what's going on...
Wait. Let me check something.
HAH! Just as I thought. He's single again... :) ...It's not really smile worthy but hey, I was right and that's why I'm smiling. I don't kno how I knew but I just knew...
Anyway.......
I just had a major freak out because I was going to change the names on the side bar to only initials and I realized there's going to be a JM and a JW. Then I started talking to myself about how JM could only wish to be as great as JW but then thought about how wonderful it was when JM was holding me and how odd JW has become. I'm so conflicted... I don't wanna compare those two in my brain for more than .25 seconds ever again.
Nothing new to report on the far away one other than when he got a new number he told me to text it. It still makes me very sad that we don't talk nearly as much as we used to. Cara triste.
GAAHHHHH that's pretty much what the new guy says... but in English. Sad face.
Otay... well I better stop talking now cause a different older guy wants to talk and I told him I wouldn't talk while I blog... if I lose my thoughts... I'm dead. I can't get distracted while I write these things or the entire thing wouldn't make any sense.
Okay
I'm leaving now
I mean now...
Things happen.
I wonder how I would have approached my previous relationships if I'd had all the experiences I've had this past year...
Speaking of previous relationships... the close one seems to be getting closer... in class these past few days he hasn't been looking thru me but at me... it's kinda strange. Oh and there were still a few open computers left around the room for him to work on but he choose the one next to me... I don't kno what's going on...
Wait. Let me check something.
HAH! Just as I thought. He's single again... :) ...It's not really smile worthy but hey, I was right and that's why I'm smiling. I don't kno how I knew but I just knew...
Anyway.......
I just had a major freak out because I was going to change the names on the side bar to only initials and I realized there's going to be a JM and a JW. Then I started talking to myself about how JM could only wish to be as great as JW but then thought about how wonderful it was when JM was holding me and how odd JW has become. I'm so conflicted... I don't wanna compare those two in my brain for more than .25 seconds ever again.
Nothing new to report on the far away one other than when he got a new number he told me to text it. It still makes me very sad that we don't talk nearly as much as we used to. Cara triste.
GAAHHHHH that's pretty much what the new guy says... but in English. Sad face.
Otay... well I better stop talking now cause a different older guy wants to talk and I told him I wouldn't talk while I blog... if I lose my thoughts... I'm dead. I can't get distracted while I write these things or the entire thing wouldn't make any sense.
Okay
I'm leaving now
I mean now...
January 11, 2011
Loooong Time No Post
Well I'm kinda sorry there hasn't been any posts recently but it's not like anyone reads this anyway.
Now to the feelings and whatnot.
There's kinda a new guy... but there shouldn't be... because he's like... 11 years older than me....
I really like him tho and he really likes me. He says all the right things and notices when I'm not doing well even when my own mother doesn't. Some how he's worked his way... some where he shouldn't have... I would prefer not to talk about that. He's my buddy, and always has been. I used to confide in him when I could with no one else. He was always the understanding one... recently has hasn't been on my side completely. Like when my mom was talking about doing my homework and whatever and I started crying because I had already felt bad but then she just made me feel like nothing. He pipes up and says, you wouldn't feel so bad if you did it. I'm unable to describe the anger and sadness I felt. It completely broke me. Then he has the nerve to ask what's wrong... needless to say I wasn't happy with him and didn't talk to him for a while. It's really sad now tho (sad as in pathetic) that we are almost physically unable to stay away from each other... he comes in my room at night and we talk about random things like how he thinks I'm secretly a lesbian... just random crap like that oh and also him describing how I'm hot. Like literally going over how every part of my body is screaming HOTT! even my tummy... it's "kissable"... same with my ears and neck...
you don't really need to kno that tho... anyway... I haven't talked to the far away one for a long time... ever since that crash he was in with his girlfriend on new years. Apparently his phone has been off since then, which makes me VERY sad. It shouldn't bother me tho. He has a girlfriend and lives so far away. Even tho he said that he would be with me if he had the chance, the chance will never happen.
I'm getting side tracked now and this is already really long. I'll update it more often so there won't be so much to say...
Now to the feelings and whatnot.
There's kinda a new guy... but there shouldn't be... because he's like... 11 years older than me....
I really like him tho and he really likes me. He says all the right things and notices when I'm not doing well even when my own mother doesn't. Some how he's worked his way... some where he shouldn't have... I would prefer not to talk about that. He's my buddy, and always has been. I used to confide in him when I could with no one else. He was always the understanding one... recently has hasn't been on my side completely. Like when my mom was talking about doing my homework and whatever and I started crying because I had already felt bad but then she just made me feel like nothing. He pipes up and says, you wouldn't feel so bad if you did it. I'm unable to describe the anger and sadness I felt. It completely broke me. Then he has the nerve to ask what's wrong... needless to say I wasn't happy with him and didn't talk to him for a while. It's really sad now tho (sad as in pathetic) that we are almost physically unable to stay away from each other... he comes in my room at night and we talk about random things like how he thinks I'm secretly a lesbian... just random crap like that oh and also him describing how I'm hot. Like literally going over how every part of my body is screaming HOTT! even my tummy... it's "kissable"... same with my ears and neck...
you don't really need to kno that tho... anyway... I haven't talked to the far away one for a long time... ever since that crash he was in with his girlfriend on new years. Apparently his phone has been off since then, which makes me VERY sad. It shouldn't bother me tho. He has a girlfriend and lives so far away. Even tho he said that he would be with me if he had the chance, the chance will never happen.
I'm getting side tracked now and this is already really long. I'll update it more often so there won't be so much to say...
December 16, 2010
I Do Believe He Said That To Me
OHHHH man... So this is my first blog that I didn't actually write down to keep in a journal, so you kno it's all fresh. You kno how I was talking about the far away one, well it turns out he still likes me. Let us call him G.
Me: Just friends
G: Ya
Me: Cause you gots a girly friend and I would/could/should never be her
G: Not should or would. Just cant atm
Me: atm or ever
G: nope
Me: What do you mean?
G: Look. I'm really not leading u on. But I still really like u. And things are kinda shitty on my side of the fence. So if it were ever possible 4 us 2 be legitimatly 2gether. I would
Me: Can I cry now for being such a stupid and stubborn freshman?
G: Absolutely not.
Soo even after 3 years and the fact that we haven't actually seen each other since freshman year. Somehow he still likes me. Unless this is all a lie too and he just likes playing girls which doesn't sound like him... He's the only person that has enough of my heart to actually hurt me enough to cry. I kno this sounds bad because he still has a girlfriend but I want you to kno that after that little conversation I asked what was wrong and he said things are happening between him and his girl so I told him to get some sleep and try to figure it out tomorrow. Things have almost been the same since he revealed what I've been wondering for about a year now. It's not like I flirt with him any more than I did before he had a girlfriend and before he acted like he maybe had a little more interest in me than just friends. Oh hey! I said I was going to talk about the first and the perfect one... should I do that now? Ahhh well you talked me into it. I'll save the first for a whole new entry. But I can describe my perfect partner....
Me: Just friends
G: Ya
Me: Cause you gots a girly friend and I would/could/should never be her
G: Not should or would. Just cant atm
Me: atm or ever
G: nope
Me: What do you mean?
G: Look. I'm really not leading u on. But I still really like u. And things are kinda shitty on my side of the fence. So if it were ever possible 4 us 2 be legitimatly 2gether. I would
Me: Can I cry now for being such a stupid and stubborn freshman?
G: Absolutely not.
Soo even after 3 years and the fact that we haven't actually seen each other since freshman year. Somehow he still likes me. Unless this is all a lie too and he just likes playing girls which doesn't sound like him... He's the only person that has enough of my heart to actually hurt me enough to cry. I kno this sounds bad because he still has a girlfriend but I want you to kno that after that little conversation I asked what was wrong and he said things are happening between him and his girl so I told him to get some sleep and try to figure it out tomorrow. Things have almost been the same since he revealed what I've been wondering for about a year now. It's not like I flirt with him any more than I did before he had a girlfriend and before he acted like he maybe had a little more interest in me than just friends. Oh hey! I said I was going to talk about the first and the perfect one... should I do that now? Ahhh well you talked me into it. I'll save the first for a whole new entry. But I can describe my perfect partner....
- likes/interests of the most recent
- texting/talking habits of the one with no chance
- the devotion and truth of the first
- the availability of the close one
- the humor of the first and the far away one
- the touch and aggressiveness of the most recent
- the respect and tender care of the first
- looks of the most recent or the far away one... :)
- trustworthiness of the first and the far away
December 12, 2010
Is There Hope?
I keep hearing songs that remind me of him. I think I need a new favorite kind of music. There is one that's good for me, Radio by Reba. There's also another song by Selena Gomez called I Don't Miss You At All. I'm trying to make that one true but it's harder than it seems. I said I was going to talk about the first but not yet. I do want to talk about the far away one. He has a girl and they seem happ, but I don't really kno. He's great though, he always makes me happy. He makes me smile even when I don't want to. In fact, I just told him I wasn't sexy and he said I was. I said "or so you think" and his words were"No I dont think so. I know so." His girl is really lucky and I doubt she even knows what she has. He truly is amazing. I'm not just saying that because he's nice and I have a huge undeniable crush/love for him. I've known him since freshman year which was 3 years ago. I remember when he was pressured to kiss me at the mall. It was by the escalators... He did brely get my cheek because I didn't want a kiss. I'm really regretting not letting something more grow between us when he was still here... I will talk more aobut this amazing boy next time. I have to get some sleep now so I can fail my spanish project tomorrow...
December 08, 2010
Time To Update
I think it's about time I update this with how I'm feeling. I'll be completely honest like I have been the other times I've written. Starting with the one I'm around every day, every other day for 3 hours straight. I don't necessarily want to be wit him but I do want him to miss me (which is probably a bad thing to say) It makes me feel like trash to watch him look right though me. Almost like we never were... Okay enough about him. Now to the most recent. Somehow I still feel like I could accept him again if he made an effort. The way he's not been talking or even trying to talk to me makes me feel like it was all a lie. All the "I love you"s "I'm falling hard for you" also when he said I really got to him so he quit his bad habits... Why does no one truly care about me? Why does no one act like they miss me at all? There's been suspect of this new boy, but after what happened at his house, there's no way... The bad thing is I've forgiven that and his chances are just as slim as tey were before this event. It's all the smell... He's been acting very different though. Almost like he doesn't really want to talk to me. Next time I'll talk about the first and the far away one and my idea of the perfect one. But for now I have to get some homework done...
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